Probably, you and I haven´t heard the word ¨resilience¨ until a few years ago, when it was introduced to us as a psychological definition. The meaning of the words ¨resilience¨ and ¨stress¨ were originated in the physics field to express whether an object is submitted to a deforming pressure (stress) and the capacity to recover to the original state/shape (resilience).
Paradoxically,
these two words have also been widespread in the corporate world. There is only one big visible difference to
me. When dealing with any given
situation where we cope with change or face adversity, we tend to come out
stronger and transformed (instead of returning to a ¨original state¨).
So, we can say resilience is the capacity to stand up against adversity or, as said before, the ability to cope with change and overcome it. Some gurus may say we don´t need to be only resilient but to produce the change. I cannot agree more!
We are currently living in a non-stop fast paced world and the word ¨resilience¨ appears as an answer to cope with change.
The
definition also reminds me Heraclitus famous statement: ¨The only thing that is
constant is change¨.
Across
lifetime everyone has faced up and downs but history taught us that the species
who adapted to new environments have survived.
Nowadays,
being resilient is as important as any of your other competencies, in order to
face the ¨True North¨. We have to
remember that some days the sun will shine brighter than others and it will be
up to you to turn this light on our favor.As mentioned at the beginning of the blog, the idea of sharing organizational development information has a clear goal: to apply this knowledge in our daily lives and build stronger and better relationships. Being resilient can be a skill, an attitude or a way of life!
As
social animals as we are called, we tend to build multiple relationship
throughout our lives. When committing to
a partner, we are building resilient relationships. As couples we grow, change and develop;
therefore, each other’s adaptability plays a huge role in the future of the
relationship.
One
of the best quotes I have ever heard was at my brother´s wedding day while someone
was videotaping the family wishes. It
was the uncle´s bride turn to make a wish and he made up a simple quote I will
never forget. He said something like this: ¨Remember there will always be up and downs
in your relationship. It is very important
for you to remain together and knowledge that some fights are not worth to
fight. Love each other and enjoy the
journey while you strive for happiness¨.
As
resilient partners, we will not only cope well with unusual strains and
stressors but actually will experience such challenges as learning and
development opportunities. This central
process involves tools, tips and quotes to train and develop our adaptive
coping skills.
1. ACCEPTANCE |
- Digest
the idea that good and bad things happen in life.
- Relieve
emotions by not blaming yourself or your partner. Get rid of excuses and face inconveniences as
opportunities to change. Stay away from blame or victimism, as you both are
responsible for creating a new future. ¨If you want to change the world, first change yourself¨ by Mahatma
Gandhi.
- Once
acceptance stage has been assimilated, you both need to analyze your current reality.
Involve your partner in order to reach consensus and get to a clearer
conclusion.
- What
brought the couple to this point won´t get them to the next level. What needs
to be changed? Neurophysiologists ensure that the human brain is
malleable and flexible enough to abandon wrong behaviors and learn new ways of
thinking, feeling and doing by reorganizing neural circuits governing ideas,
emotions, and feelings, and thus the ability to adapt.
- Ask
each other questions that help you move forward. See yourself and your partner
as potentials of what you both could be.
- Transform obstacles in new challenges. “The one thing you can’t take away from me is the way I choose to respond to what you do to me. The last of one’s freedoms is to choose one’s attitude in any given circumstance” by Viktor E. Frankl.
- Avoid
procrastination. Put first things first.
| 4. LOOK FOR NEW OPTIONS |
- Envision
the couple in a few months or years from now! This is a very powerful tool that
can get you to an ideal situation. As a proverb in the Talmud states:
¨We do not tend to see things as they are but as we are¨.
- Build
your own SWOT analysis and share it with your partner. Ask your partner for a constructive feedback.
- Create
together an action plan with different options.
Allow yourselves to think out of the box when defining common goals. Reach consensus!
- Make
the move from vision to action.
- Keep
a positive behavior and allow yourselves to express feelings with each other.
- Do
things you have postponed in your life. Take care of your mind, body and soul.
- Sometimes
things happen for a reason that we only understand in the future. Stay alert! ¨Inspiration exists, but has to find you
working¨ by Pablo Picasso.
- Be
persistent! ¨Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes
from an indomitable will¨. Mahatma Gandhi
- Build
supportive relationships. Help others who are where you ¨have been¨. "Even if I knew that tomorrow the world
would go to pieces, I would still plant my apple tree¨. Martin Luther King Jr.
- Give
back to community by sharing experiences. It is important you leave your
blueprint in people´s lives.
Before
concluding, I want to share a great inspirational true story
about an unsung hero whose resilient skills save more than 5000 lives in
Argentina.
The ¨garbage man¨ who
became doctor celebrates his 5000 surgeries
José
Como Birche is chief of the Cardiovascular Surgery Department at the San Juan
Domingo de Dios Hospital in La Plata, Argentina. At age 52, he has reached 5000 interventions
while working for the public health system, a milestone that makes him one of
the doctors with more interventions in a public hospital. Doctor Birch
currently numbers are overwhelming: 5000 surgeries directed by himself at San
Juan de Dios Hospital, 15.000 in total in his career; 250 open heart surgeries
per year.
Surgeon
Birche went through a lot of challenges to become a doctor. He worked in a
factory since he was 15 years old. At age 19, he found his father dead in
bed. The doctor at that time didn´t know
what happened, but after years of study he discovered the heart of his father
needed a pacemaker that never got.
He
failed three times the entrance exams before he could start studying medicine.
No matter how hard it was, since the first heart surgery he witnessed, he
became so fascinated that could not stop trying. During the dictatorship in the country only
250 vacancies were given per year. José had an average of 9.70 but only managed
to enter to the university at the return of democracy.
Today
Doctor Birche still remembers: "While studying, everything was very
difficult. I had no resources and hand
copied the books the library lent me. I copied by hand the four volumes of the
Treaty of Human Anatomy of L. Testut " he recalled with a smile.
¨The four volumes are exactly 4339 pages; I
had to adapt to all circumstances in order to move forward."
Adaptation and translation: Marcelo Nicomedes
How will your epitaph read?
Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman.
Man searching for meaning by Viktor Frankl.
Nelson Mandela biography.
Anne Frank: The Diary of a Young Girl
